Dutch Children

The Dutch philosophy of raising children is somewhat different than that of Americans.  Perhaps, it can be characterized as more fatalistic: whatever way the social environment is, that’s just the way it is; learn to live with it. Some Dutch parents will shrug their shoulders if children pick up bad words.  They may not like it, but how can parents stop children from using bad words? Children who ask for adult help handling difficult situations have been told, “Oh, just ignore him. That’s just the way he is.” Even when children were being knocked to the ground by others running into them, we heard a Dutch school administrator say,“Well, children just run.  We can’t stop children from running, can we?"

As a result of this non-interventionist approach, Dutch children are often left to sort out problems on their own.  Unfortunately, unsupervised behavior often give free rein to bad behavior.  Bullying amongst children is considered a part of life, almost like a rite of passage. One Dutch parent I spoke with referred to this as “developing street smarts.”

The upshot is that, while you find that most Dutch children 5 and under are similar to children the world over (all looking to adults for clues about how to behave and how to be good), the older Dutch children may appear more “hardened” with passing years. The teasing/harassment of children that seems to be a part of normal, unsupervised childhood development between 6 and 12 can be more intense in the Netherlands.  And, of course, children that are different, such as foreign children or overweight children, are easy targets for harassment.

However, underneath it all, most Dutch kids just want to make friends and be liked.  To help your kids adjust to the Netherlands, try limiting your expat children’s exposure to large, less supervised public settings, such as playgrounds, movie theaters, and schools (where lack of supervision encourages greater acting-out).  Focus more on intimate activities (as in small, after-school classes) where they will make friends easily with Dutch children who turn out to be quite charming and friendly once they get a chance to know you.